Perfect Love In Me

Tomorrow is my first day at a new job. After five and a half months of not being employed, I'm finally able to return to office life.

I'm glad about the job. It's a good position, the pay is higher than I was making before, and it seems like a nice place.

Yet for the past few days I've struggled with a growing unease as anxiety crept up inside me. Doubts and fears began throwing questions around my mind. ...What if I'm not ready to go back to work? While I didn't leave my last job because of my emotional health, I know that I should have because I was not in a good place mentally. I had suffered the worst of a bad fight with depression while working, and afterwards my mind and soul felt incredibly fragile. I'm grateful for the unexpected break I had when circumstances demanded I quit my job.

But now that I'm going back to work, fear set in that maybe I wasn't ready yet. What if I start the new job and I'm not emotionally healed enough to deal with the stress? What if I get overwhelmed learning new things and have a panic-inspired meltdown? What if I start feeling like I can't breathe again? Even worse, what if the darkness of depression creeps in again?

I've learned so much over the past few months about myself and about God's love for me. His healing in me is a continuous process, something that is still being worked and maybe always will be. I've grown and I've changed. ...But is it enough? Am I ready to face real-life demands again? Am I strong enough to hold on to what I've learned?

This morning I began my day by praying for help. I reminded myself that fear and depression don't have a place in me any more. But I still felt anxious and doubtful.

Then as I prayed, part of a verse found in 1 John 4:18 was pressed into my heart. "Perfect love casts out fear." And in this, I found my answer.

Jesus's love for me is perfect. There is nothing more perfect or more real. Jesus in me is strong enough to drive out the fear.

I'm choosing to cling to that. He is with me and for me. He's going to walk into that office with me tomorrow; I'm not alone. He has good for me. And because He is enough, I am enough...for the new job and for anything else that comes in life.

So for the rest of today and tomorrow and every day after that, I'm choosing to breathe and trust. To trust that His perfect love for me is stronger than anything I may face. To trust that my fears are nothing in the light of His love.

I'm also taking a "me" day today, while I'm breathing and trusting. 😁 I'm going to cuddle with my chihuahua puppy, watch a movie (no aliens this time), start reading a new novel (again, no aliens! 😜), eat some coffee ice cream... You get the picture. I'm going to stay in the moment, and rest my mind. I'm not going to allow anxiety to paint an ugly picture of tomorrow in my brain. I'm not going to let my fears win.

I am strong because of and only because of the perfect love that is in me.

Keeping that in my mind, I'm going to enjoy the rest of today with no panic. And tomorrow, I'll be ready for the new job and new change to begin.

❤🌸

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